It is always hard to accept the negatives of own personality and the same had been the problem with me. It took too long to accept being one who is ‘arrogant’ and ‘unable to accept other’s viewpoint’. The moment I accepted the truth, I started to realize the effects it had on different spheres of my life. Those ‘embarrassing moments’, ‘skewed relationships’ and ‘post-incident awkward scenarios’ could have been easily avoided if I would not have been what I’m. But as a human being one has every right of being wrong and I had enjoyed that right till date. Now it’s the time to fulfill the human duty of mending the wrongs within myself. This realization of truth did not come merely by my acceptance; it took efforts of many acquaintances and some unknowns. Some of them discreetly convinced me to accept the fact and some forced me to accept it. My acceptance was only the final seal on their victory.
An arcane adage says ‘merely accepting the problem is problem half solved’, so I had the advantage of starting the task already half done but it’s the second half of problem which needs to be taken care by me without any external help. As always, I did not have any solution in sight and definitely not in mind. But the failure in finding the solution could not outplay my determination to overcome the problem which I had with my personality. Finally, I settled down for the simplest of solutions I managed to find. It was to accept other’s viewpoint -no matter how stupid it is- giving it a benefit of doubt for my probable lack of knowledge. This ‘Benefit-of-Doubt’ theory induced many changes in my behavior like ‘politeness’, something unknown to me but the most effective tool to eliminate others bluntness. If ‘accepting other's viewpoint’ is like vanguard then ‘politeness’ is like a stalwart in my war against my distorted personality. Finally convinced of the effectiveness of my ingenious solution and satisfied with my mental preparedness, I was all set to start my ‘War-of-makeover’ with the help to 'Benefit of doubt' theory.
It was Saturday and I could not find anything to make myself busy. Finally, I accepted to accompany my cousin brother -a bank executive- for his daily visit to one of his customer companies. The magnitude of flamboyancy and easiness of his personality had always made his company enjoyable at least to someone like me. Moreover, he had the same personality traits and also the same defects as I had hence we both were in complete sync with each other. Sometimes it feels that both of us are the victims of ‘Overdose of Jamindari (feudal) history’ that has incorporated the arrogance and instilled the feeling of ‘I’m always right’ within us. We reached one of the famous production companies of that area. Being a part of sales team my brother had the ability to simulate plastic smile on his face and he did it with complete perfection while meeting the security officer. I followed him to the security officer’s cabin and helped myself by sitting on the antique metal chair woven with plastic strips while he merged himself with his paperwork. I started to enjoy that traditional office environment which was miles apart from the sophistication of my modern day workspace in IT industry. I was enjoying those chairs and tables with a fine layer of dust on everything over there. Although I was flattered by the landscape in front of me, my body was feeling the thermodynamic effects of absence of air-conditioner. I was completely laid back on my chair and my one foot was resting over the knee of other leg. For me it’s the most comfortable posture to sit. While I was admiring the simplicity and rawness around me, suddenly I found something more raw and it was a sound produced by someone who had probably more negatives than me in his personality and he had not yet started the ‘War-of-makeover’ for himself.
'Who are you?' That whining and arrogant sound was in the form of interrogatory question directed towards me. Confused and startled by his high pitch authoritative voice, I decided not to give the reply in terms of my ‘name’ because it had very bright chances of follow-up questions.
In response to his answer, I pointed my finger towards my brother, who was already looking towards me and replied ‘I’m with him.’ Still pointing the finger towards my brother and managing innocent expressions on my face. My brother satisfied with the answer got back into his work. I was taking a sigh of relief and here comes another shocking bolt ‘Are you an illiterate?’ I opposed ‘How dare you! I’m not an illiterate, I’m a well-educated person (supposedly' but it was only within myself. For him, I could only manage to say ‘No.’ with more innocence considering I’m definitely doing something wrong. ‘Then sit properly.’ He continued.
I was shocked how to sit more properly that this, I’m using the most suitable part of my body to sit. This strict instruction to ‘sit properly’ triggered my arrogance but then I noticed my brother who was looking at me. He was worried of my potential replies in these scenarios because of my short-temper and the aftermaths of my replies on his career. Contrary to my brother’s presumption, I said ‘Sorry.’ With a self-engineered smile but without knowing what did I do wrong. ‘What sorry, put your foot down.’ He was brimming with confidence due to initial sign of victory he had over me and I said ‘My foot is merely resting on my knee and I own it very much as other parts of my body’ as politely as possible with my sweet voice ;). ‘Either get out or sit straight, pata nahi kaha-kaha se aa jaate hai?’ he said, another blow to my so called 'sacred' self-respect.
I had many answers for that old man who was deeply hurt only because someone in his office is sitting in a relaxed manner without acknowledging his supremacy and without greeting him with ‘Good morning sir’ or ‘Namaste saab’. I opted to get out instead of indulging in a fight of supremacy. I signaled my brother that I’d be waiting out. He was also relaxed to see me moving out but was also feeling bad for the treatment I got while accompanying him. I moved out, sat idle on my bike and started debating with myself, whether I did right? My brother came out and started to console me by blaming the old man for his.
I accepted it as a thing of past and moved on. I had to attend my friend’s birthday party the same night. Party did not mean anything special to my friends or me. It’s a set of activities we perform on every weekend. The only special think was the birthday. Birthday boy arranged a dinner for us in a renowned ‘Restro-bar’. As I said, party was not something different for us hence we were not dressed differently, although dressing differently does not make any difference to our outlook. My friends and me entered the premises although the man at the entrance tried to stop us but all in vain. We entered without noticing the efforts of the man at door and joined the other group waiting inside. Like all other good restro-bars this one also had a TV hanging on the wall and it was showing a cricket match and ‘Tendulkar’ was batting at the moment. We reached late hence all the seats facing towards the TV were already occupied and we got the seats with TV facing our back. I used to have a look on match score turning around every now and then while having my dinner. In the pursuit of watching the ‘God of cricket – Tendulkar’ batting, I unknowingly turned my chair which was looking unsynchronized with our table. Above all I was again sitting in the same posture as I was in the security officer’s den. My relaxed posture made my sleepers visible to everyone including the superintendent of restro-bar. Sleepers were strictly not allowed in that restro-bar and it being the reason the man at entrance tried to stop us. We were unaware of all these sophisticated conditions and were celebrating the party in our usual manner. We were lost in watching cricket and the food that we didn’t notice any flaw in our behavior.
Suddenly, the superintendent of restro-bar came towards me, jolted my chair from the back and said in his harsh voice ‘Sit properly.’ I got surprised with the same kind of comments in a single day. I was wondering whether there is an over-night change in my sitting style or a sudden change in other’s mind regarding sitting etiquettes. I was capable of giving him a stern reply with a lengthy lecture on hospitality and customer dealing but I preferred to give him a ‘Benefit-of-Doubt’ for my probable lack of knowledge regarding sitting etiquettes. This time with a genuine smile I replied ‘Sorry.’ He started to move with a victorious look on his face and I continued ‘I’m not used to of so much humiliation in a single day.’ He got confused with the reply and I was still smiling.
We enjoyed the food without discussing this episode. We paid the bill but while leaving all of us agreed to lodge a strong complaint against the superintendent. The birthday boy summoned the superintendent and he started delivering the lecture on hospitality and customer dealing. Staff members tried to abate the anger by frequent apologies and at the same time revealed the fact that sleepers were not allowed.
Before retiring to sleep that night, I was wondering whether I did right or wrong by not replying the security officer and the superintendent. After lot of brain storming with whatever brain I had, I concluded it would have been the easiest thing for me to reply them in strong words but by not getting involved with them I won the ‘War-of-makeover’. I gave the ‘Benefit-of-Doubt’ to security officer and the superintendent for their better knowledge of sitting etiquettes. I understood the concept of ‘Benefit-of-Doubt’ that night and the effects of politeness, which came as a bonus with ‘Benefit-of-Doubt’.
I don’t know whether I have won the ‘War-of-makeover’ completely or not but definitely I’m a better person than yesterday. After all 'It’s a waste if you are not a better person every next day’.
